Traveling through the mud
Author: Carla Rose /We are moving. Moving away form a infested home of mold to a farm. Interesting turn of events. I am healing myself of Candida, and leaky gut syndrome which both are no picnic. This face below makes it all a bit easier.
See you soon.
Blossoming uphill pitfalls
Author: Carla Rose /
Traveling upward in my life is ongoing. Though as i reflect on the higher aspects of living i can see the trap doors a bit clearer now. They were always present, the difference now is rather than slip down the trap i recognize it and redirect my path in a different manner. Standing true to visions individually and verbalizing them to the ones who matter open up a pathway that screams with uncertainties. As my relationship with Anthony continues to mature i can clearly state what my truths are or aren't. I noticed and embraced the fact that we both have our own likes and dislikes, opinions/beliefs and they do not need to mirror each others, though what we have worked on is to respect the others passions and note it as a soul longing which needs to be fed with nurturing ingredients to survive.
As a mother and a wife i let my passions slip away with the mundane motherly duties and found some unhappiness within that needed addressing. Once i acknowledged this and verbalized the void, i got up and embraced my passions and started creating.
Fish thinking...
Author: Carla Rose /
Embracing the arrival of the New Moons entrance, I find myself in solitude gathering the gems that are fragmented. Preparing for New beginnings, I am holding hands with the right ones.
Emily has me scattering, in many directions. We are under going tests this week. I will be back here when the time allows.
Birth Day Remembrance
Author: Carla Rose /
On this day one year ago I was drafted into a maternal classroom. Tired, exhausted, and hormonal my bearings were sea sawing, though at the same time experienced excerpts of uphoria drip into my veins. The clues perhaps were not given validity as they should. Dilating from 4-8 in 15 minutes, granted me with no intervention options. You arrived exactly how you were supposed to.
A love that grows every beating day.
We managed to create a homemade allergy free cake too.
Crocs, Venom, and Bon voyage
Author: Carla Rose /
Yes you.
You are most welcome here.
No written invite required. No club member association needed.
This hut carries no discrimination traits. Inside this hut you will find many women, just like you. All paths, all faiths, some without. Please do not feel intimidation towards the women in ceremonial robes inside this gathering. They are here, called forth to volunteer time, energy, and work. They seek nothing in return. They have a ancient story just like you. Whatever style of alignment you seek, it is here. All that is required upon entering is an offering, something dear to your heart. Something that makes your heart and soul dance. It can be anything. Your voice, your weaving of baskets, your X ray vision eyes, ears, or smell, your warrior suit of armor, your innate compassion for listening, your hair braiding fettish, your painting, your pen and paper. A uniqueness only you attain that may not even phase you as a "gift", bring it on inside.
Won't you place your tired achy feet into the foot bath of magically mixed sea salt, Epsom salt, and baking soda infused with the oil of your choice? The components inside will raise your soul out of hiding. A humble fortress awaits to weave her gift as she loosens up the pressure points of your roots. With her simple tool; passed down from her Grandmother, the opposite side of a pencil yes; indeed an eraser, she spins her magic with guided energetic force. Deep slow methodical clockwise circles surround the soles of your feet, and in between your toes. You begin to feel your physical body tingle in areas you hadn't felt in quite a long time. You feel as though things are being drawn out, though uncertain exactly what it is. You are offered some kind of tea, reluctantly you accept after locking eyes with other souls in the hut drinking this potion. You decide it can't hurt. You then notice a woman close by who looks to be getting her scalp stimulated. Over to the far right you see a female in a brown cloaked robe who is chanting harmonious mantras creating an infinity loop around the hut, ringing a bell in one hand and holding a dorje in the other. Over to the left you see a woman wearing a headdress of plumage, drumming in a trance state. You look over and see a table set up with hundreds of herbs and elixirs. You then see a woman inscribing symbols with paint on others bodies in a ritualistic fashion. You step outside behind this tepee to collect your bearings, only to discover a dimension of reality come to life.
A lake front fire pit ceremony surrounded and conducted by women. Some dancing with their mouths open, some performing tantric moves, some with their hands raised, some as strong as still. Some were facing the many crocodiles in the lake as if they were communing with one another. The snapping crocs were involved some way. As if they were swallowing up excerpts of invisibleness. Waves of confusion spill through your consciousness, the left side of your brain takes over your psyche. What type of place is this? Where did all of these women come from? Who am I? Why am I here? Is this a crazy dream? Maybe the tea had some shrooms in it?
Next, you hear a hiss hiss sound, you look downward, and see a snake. Remaining still, heart pounding you open your mouth to scream, your once fluid voice is non existent. Snakes scare the hell out of you, and have since you were a little one. In fact, the fear was/is so great, you studied them in depth. In truth, most of your life consists of protection guards for the many many snakes that slithered into your life, that you could sense one approaching a mile away. How on earth was this snake able to successfully sneakily slither his way up your body and encircle himself around your neck, after all the long hard work and devotion you practiced? Tingling like a feather tickles the crown of your thinker, you notice feelings of liquid lightness, as thoughts being diapatched cascade through your skull.
"Do not fear me, I am here for you. I am what is called your shadow totem. I have been with you for a lengthy Earth walk indeed. I act as a animal spirit that embodies your alternate self, your personality center. When the Shadow is not integrated, it is the repository of your fears, frustrations, temptations, impulsive/compulsive reactions and your anger and unresolved pain. Perhaps because our modern society has denied the existence of the shadow self, or conversely has exerted an over abundance of effort in nurturing it, you have learned to fear this extension of your inner self. I have been prowling the corridors of your mind for some time. When the pain of past traumas have been embraced, healed and resolved, then we may look upon our shadow totem in a new light, understanding that all along, he/she is merely a reflection cast from our own unresolved issues, lessons and pain. With understanding, healing and integration, the shadow is no longer a separate and dark entity that relentlessly pursues us, and we come to see that where our footsteps fall, no fractured shadow is cast, there is only the light of the integrated self. This is why I greet you today to say goodbye.. our partnership is complete".
.... Refusal to let go of the past.... my whole life... kept him lingering around.
So without further ado....
~Farewell~
So be it... and so it is...
Welcome to Earth Lenore Aurora! As a first time Auntie, I will do my best to provide a non judgemental listening ear and heart as long as I'm living.
Raw Reflections
Author: Carla Rose /Did you ever look in the mirror not recognizing the reflection? Did you ever witness someone morph intentionally ridding herself from all earthly attachments? Have you ever worked so hard energetically to rid yourself of engulfed dark entities through spiritual practice or workings? Or ever manifest your dreams into reality, only to find feelings of emptiness?Or respectfully, experience being called out to help rid someone or something from a circumstance? Did you ever read a blog or comment that resonated deeply that it stopped you in your tracks, thus silencing you for D A Y S ?
I have answered these questions below in a writing format, being a visual it is the best way for me to process.
Looking in the mirror never had my complete attention. Like brushing my teeth, a daily routine which requires no thought. Until recently however, I realized how different my appearance has shifted. Though my adulthood has been an experience of transformations, I hadn't considered the thought that evolving; rebirths the natural self. I look in the mirror and see a woman stripped completely in every way. From make up, to old belief systems; for the first time I can see parts of the soul beaming through the skin. The spiritual work experienced left a palate of thirst for more. Healing on a level that awakened empowering perceptions that were in hiding, masked by attachments.
Finding validity in the saying 'watch what you wish for' has been a leaning lesson in many aspects of my life experience. Integrating peace and harmony to a soul who came from chaos and disfunction took its time on the balancing scales. Helping others in need comes along with responsibility. A duty which places me in a foreign category. Protecting my energies first before I lend a hand whatever it may entail is a work in progress.
This winter brings many new beginnings that are being grasped tightly. The connections through blog land are amazing.The organic resources available are tremendous. Every post that appears in my proximity gently flicks my forehead through the laptop. Gaining yet more perspective on others journeys, shifts things in a massive way. Faith in the unknown aspects, blankets me with an innocence I dare to surface. The many social tepees are supplying the vitamins for my individual soul growth.
Peace and Blessings to you during this Season and beyond~
Gearing up for our first gluten, dairy and soy free holidays. Since we will be going to my Mother in Laws...all our cooking needs preparing at home. I have admittedly morphed into some kind of paranoia frenzy cat about the whole food ingredient process. Having witnessed my little one experience the ghastly poisonous symptoms gluten and soy do to her system...leaves me no choice but to be on guard.
The mother in law bless her dear heart...is filled with wonderment on the 'whys' ."Why don't you wean Emily already?,why does she sleep in your bed?, why aren't you Christening her"? The ~whys~ often come in excerpts and transform into long discussions that perhaps (or not) alter states of awareness. Never interfering, she listens and honors our child rearing...with many questions. She finds certain parenting approaches that resonate with us as foreign and almost not existent. We do not make it a confrontation when asked the whys.What for? We do not have to prove anything to anyone, our decisions are based from our own truths.What we feel is best for our family. Doesn't make it right or wrong. Tactfully declaring truths based from my heartfulness is all I can do. Interestingly, her wonderment doesn't create static between us, rather it fills voids we both have within and without. Now, back to the whole holiday curve~
Ive been on the hunt for some child books for Emily that contain various traditions that exist. We would like to feed her with elements of spirituality without the dogma. If you have any books that you would like to share that fit this criteria it would be most appreciated :).
I havent made up my mind 100% on exactly what curve we will lean towards with Emily. I trust in the intuition as our guide during these times of uncertainty. Most times the swaying back and forth on a swing is of most comfort. I do recognize for my daughters sake I must eventually jump off the swing. Standing freely with the wind to and fro.
- An ant who if needed would carry materials for miles all for the good of the family/community.
- An ant who performs duties with total loyalty and honesty to the whole.
- An ant who if threatened will fight for the greater good.
- An ant who if needed will dig tunnels.
- An ant who commits to the health and survival of the whole colony regardless what role she was assigned.
- An ant who utilizes her instincts, and prepares for unexpected chaos.
- An ant who steers clear of drama and focus's on the present.
- An ant who has worked hard navigating her way through the tunnel.
- An ant who pulls off her wings at the moment fertilization occurs; then sacrifices flight for the birth of her newborn.
They are selfless servant critters always looking out for their fellow ant. They focus on the best outcome for the community/family and teach the art of self sacrifice and true service. They don't sit in fear waiting, wondering if someone will stomp on them, rain on there parade; or ruin them even. Native American tradition believes that every thing occurring in our external lives is a result, symptom, or reflection of our internal life. And so, we can effectively look at our life situations as a metaphor. Ants trust Natural Law and that reward is just over the horizon. It's similar to "can't hurry Love" or "haste makes waste." Patience is of the utmost importance right now so that you have more time and noticed opportunity to prepare for your ultimate success. Ant People are drawn to completing projects that benefit the community as a whole and they work in complete cooperation with those around them. Ant People typically have a lot of weight riding on their back.When Ant Medicine grabs your attention it asks you to cooperate with your tribe (co-workers, family, projects, etc.,) in unity and patience. Ants are resolute and unwearied little creatures. Although they are tiny, they are indeed mighty. They have a strong skeleton on the "outside" of their body (exoskeleton) with specialized muscles that give them their strength. Ants can carry 30 times their weight, which would be equal to a 150 lb. person carrying a bulldozer on their back at 19,500 lbs. The typical way to stop ant medicine is to literally stomp on it or fumigate it. If an ant is stomped on, it will emit pheromones that will draw more ants to the area. In short, ant medicine is unstoppable, tireless, patient and unified.
So what do you do when /if you see an ant in your circle struggling? Do you intervene? Do you present a righteous stance? Do you take the burden off by doing the work for them? These questions along with others stir in my mind. Spiritually speaking I know that everyone has a path, a purpose. However, if a close family member/co worker/confidant etc. is struggling, how do you assist? I have a warped habit of thinking that my loved ones can conquer challenges just as I have. They can! They just choose not to, or are not ready. So. I. Sit. Back. Watch. Stare. Hold the tears back and trust. I gently suggest, advise, along with a compassion persona. I can only open the door I cannot push anyone through it.
Random emotions within a cryptic psyche
Author: Carla Rose /
Breaking out of habits have been on the forefront for me. Habits that are part of my personality ones with layers of cushion between them. Habits I don't label as bad or good. Just habits, particularly within my brain that stem most likely from childhood happenings. I try to find amusement in the aspects of emotions, though at times it is hard. I struggle with seriousness, taking everything so earth shattering and personal. (I thank my moon in Pisces for some of this) I assume this is why it is difficult for me to be in large circles socially.Understandably. Often. Misunderstood. Times like these revisit me inside my brain and take over with excerpts of comments heard long ago. "You passed by the skin of your teeth", that sentence echos and ricochets inside my head from my third grade teacher. I played the dot to dot game when the state tests were administered or any form of test for that matter. I never paid attention in class, I didn't give much energy to learning. Looking back I realize some of my reactions were knee jerk responses I used as a defense mechanism. Truth is I couldn't grasp it a t a l l .
Though...time is on my side, for now I need to keep repeating this to myself.
..
Blanketed by the winds in motion,
I sat there on the oceanic rocks as if I were flying like a still bird with no movement.
Blocking out all physical presences, as the sea salt mist hydrates my pours. Sands brush fiercely against my skin, as the Suns in and out ritual completes my quest for certainty
Celebrational Friday
Author: Carla Rose /
A Celebration for the space where non judgment, compassion, and kinship are all present. Gratitude directed to those who serve here; and elsewhere ;) as catalysts. Who lay their genuine guided intentions on the sleeves of cyberspace with an expect nothing in return stance.
It IS significant to recognize the exciting arena no matter what the subject is; the vulnerabilities are taken as strengths, the forceful as weaknesses and the silence as uncertainty. Recognizing the many facets that each blogger posts, heightens the depths and reveals the true brilliance each other attains.
Would so love to hear your words~
Sniffing the Vile
Author: Carla Rose /
- I believe we create our soul agreements
- Brandon and his Dad have a contract to experience together. The X husband only has Brandon, no other family members are living.
- I raised him in his early years
- He knows and feels loved
- My past circumstances presented my X husband with opportunites to transform which otherwise may not have occured.
- My sons inner strength and wise knowledge has spouted from my life's choices.
- I have allowed my mind to play sneaky slithering snake tricks on me
Just Being
Author: Carla Rose /I was regretting the past and worrying about the future Suddenly I heard "My name is I AM" When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WAS. When you live in the future with its problems and worries, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WILL BE. When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. My name is "I AM"
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